Nothing much interesting today...
Except that the feeling is back again.
I remember i got this feeling back in band during the syf training period.
Well, tend to get scoldings and it's a rather tense situation with Os coming i think.
And yeaps, i got so stressed up and tired then at times, i was unable to speak.
Well, initially i was freaked out.
I mean, the feeling is very bad. I don't really know how to describe the feeling.
But initially, there will be this tendency to force the voice out.
The need to voice out everything.
It's all in the mind. Sorta like the body going against the mind.

It happened quite a number of times during band.
Hmmm. But ever since then, no more.
Till today.
And well, afterall, i am sorta used to it.

Tried to calm my mind, tell myself that it's all in the mind.
Tried to pronounce words or rather, try to voice out.
But just decided to let it go since it will be back to normal once it loosen up.
Ar...been so so long.
Thought it had left me already, so afterall, i am still like that when i am mentally tired.
Well. yeaps.
Won't use the word stressed because i am not feeling so.
But what's up today.
I have no idea.
Got pretty much upset when they were nearing Bishan Park.
I miss my super hip grandma.
Ok, she left for quite some time. But whenever i am near the temple or well, visiting her in the temple, i just feel so ...arh~~~~
Never mind about that.

I am weird recently!!
Okok, let's update on stuff today.
Went to school and had maths.
After that to Tiong Bahru market to eat.
= )
Had yummy duckie noodles and YUMMY mango sago...
= ) YUMMIES!!
It's awesome with tadpole like thingy. Really look like tadpole!
Had fun biting them.
=X
Then took the lorry to Bishan and back home.
Tired to really update on stuff.
Lovely to be back home.
(*screams: I LOVE MY ROOM*)
Was mentally tired today.
So much thinking.

Woke up in the morning on the wrong note.
Had a super bad dream last night.
So wanted to call.
Bad dream.
Woke up with this saddening thought in mind.
Tsktsk!
Can see the hands of reality opening up to grab me.
= )
Lols, it's reality welcoming me.
Hmmms.
Realized that, you really got to be strong.
Ok, at least pretend to be strong.
I don't know.
I suddenly feel that, no space for weakness.
Just got to be strong.
At all cost.

So yeaps.
Hmmms, after all, it's my life.
Tsktsk!
Junejune asked me or rather said something that triggered my thoughts.
She mentioned something about promises.
Okok, i remember what happen now.
We were at Tiong Bahru market and i saw this really OLD couple holding hands.
So sweet.
They are really so sweet together and they are really old.
I looked at them and i told junejune, if i ever live to such old age, i want to be like them too.
Well, she replied me something.
Do you think, couples can last so long?
*Shakes head*.
Well, at least not in this generation.
Maybe the older generation can.
But not now.
I told you i am living in the wrong era le!
Couples separate with the simplest reason.
Tsktsk.
Then we mentioned about promises.
Okok, a dumb one also understand that there is no such thing as eternity promises or such crap.
PLEASE GIRLS, wake up!
Lols, fine, i am just a wet blanket.
But really, no such thing as I LOVE YOU FOREVER(*did i just said that?! Omg*).
Junejune also dont believe in such stuff.
But afterall, there is no harm in having hope that such things will happen right~
Okok, even if it's 0.00000001% chance of happening, also must hope.
It's a happy thing to be dumb at times.
= )

Oh yes, memories flashed past me when we were sending Randy home.
Afterall, i stayed at Hougang for quite some time too for silly reasons.
AND MEMORIES!
Really.
I can't believe it's all in the past.
Walking to the bus stop like at 5 plus in the morning just to take the bus to school when i was in primary school.
Ok, my life is not a smooth sailing one, but then, i am quite glad that i got that kinda past.
Ok, it's the past that determines who i am now.
So, if you feel you got a super bad past, be happy that it's all over and....it's your past that determines who you are now.
Everyone got a past.
= )
I miss the past but i am glad everything is going better.
= )
It let me appreciate everything that i have now.
= )

And if you are in a super bad state now, fret not, for it will become a past too.
= )
Listening to Forever Love by X Japan.
SUCHA NICE AND BEAUTIFUL SONG.
The member Hide from X japan....made the music more meaningful and beautiful.


Hideto Matsumoto (松本 秀人, Matsumoto Hideto, December 13, 1964–May 2, 1998), more commonly known by his stage name hide (pronounced /hi.de/), was a popular Japanese musician.

Hide died on May 2, 1998 in his Tokyo apartment. A roommate put him to bed after a night of drinking, but when she went to check on him an hour later he was not in his room. He was found hanged with a ripped towel in his apartment bathroom, the towel tied to the doorknob. He was barely alive when the ambulance arrived, and later died in the hospital. He was thirty-three years old.

i Got the info from wikipedia.
Hmmms.
There are many different interpretation for his death.
One reason that the fans gave was "Hide was known for performing stunts in attempts to scare others, and some suspect his death to be a stunt gone wrong".
Hmmms.
I am such a retard. Why is it that i didn't know about such news?

Forever Love

Sung by Dahlia
X Japan Movie Theme
Translation by Gramarye

Ah, please hold my heart, keep it close to you
Accept it as is, soaked with all my tears
Though times may constantly change, our love never will
And somehow, I know, everything will be fine
Will you hold my heart?
Catch my tears...brush them away, please
Right now, I feel it breaking
All my heart....

Forever Love Forever Dream
Lost in the flow of my memories
Though time may try to bury them
My love will grow, waiting here for you
Oh, tell me why
All I see is blue in my heart

Will you stay with me,
'Til the wind carries away the pain?
Again, drowning in sorrow
All my tears....

Forever Love Forever Dream
Stay with me now, hold me just like this
Embrace this heart that waits for you
Watching the dawn of the coming day
Oh, stay with me....

Ah, I wouldn't mind if it had to end
Alone, lost in the night that's surrounding me
Ah, there's nothing left to regret about
Except for your smile, far from me again

Forever Love Forever Dream
Stay with me now, hold me just like this
Embrace this heart that waits for you,
Watching the dawn of the coming day
Ah, will you stay with me
'Til the wind carries away the pain?
You are part of my life now, part of me....

Forever Love Forever Dream
I can't go on--I can't live this way
Oh, tell me why...oh, tell me true
Teach it to me--teach me how to be free

Forever Love Forever Dream
Flowing with tears that I tried to conquer
Awaiting change, as seasons do,
For eternity will be what we long for
Forever Love....